It is 2:10 AM and my son is up for the day. For the second day in a row.
Yesterday was Christmas Day. My son, Kai, who is 6 years old and has special needs, was up for the day at 2:30 AM. This is day 2 for extra early rising. What does this mean for me as a special needs parent?
As you can imagine, exhaustion.
I paused to stare at the last sentence, glazed over, shook myself out of it and continued to type.
Yesterday, Kai’s dad got up with him but my sleep was still completely disrupted. I have been trying to do that self care thing that everyone (including me) is always talking about and this includes a daily walk for an hour. Yesterday’s walk qualified as more of a trudge. Have you heard about this new workout that is sweeping the nation for special needs parents? Take a daily trudge. It is self care. I think the joke that I have just made is funny. But I have slept very little. So, who knows?
The New Year is coming. It is time for those annual resolutions. I am a fan of them, and I do have plans for the New Year. I would like to tell you all about them. After I get some sleep. One day.
There is still a stack of presents on the floor near the Christmas tree. Kai does not enjoy opening presents and really has no use for any of them. He has very basic needs. His Dad and I have tried in the past to involve him on Christmas morning but he wants to be left alone and usually leaves the room with his tablet to relax in a quiet spot. Yesterday he stayed in the room but did not participate. We let him do his thing. Honestly, it was joyful to just be able to look over at him as our neurotypical daughter, age 8, enjoyed her bounty. Afterwards, I sat next to Kai and “helped” him open a book (which means I opened it while he ignored it). He was interested in looking at the book briefly but then took it from me and put it down. At bedtime last night I tried to read him the new book but he took it from me and replaced it with the same book we have been reading for months. Which, of course, I have memorized.
Ten Tiny Toes.
I just stared at that sentence, with foggy brain, for I don’t know how long. Breathed deeply. Continued to type.
This is what it is like. I am sitting here in the middle of the night (early morning?) drinking coffee while Kai rocks in his dad’s rocker recliner which is pretty close to being destroyed from all of the action it gets. I am already thinking about my next nap. And the fact that I need to do another daily trudge. Later today. After the sun comes up.
I imagine all of the special needs parents that are up at this hour. Doing what I am doing. We sometimes feel alone, isolated. It is just us and our children and the darkness of the early morning hour. But we are doing it at the same time. Just in different places.
I just glanced over at my son, vigorously rocking, with the sweetest smile on his beautiful face. I know that this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing.
I try to focus on that smile during the daily trudge.