Month: December 2019

I am trying to practice what I preach today.

Its not easy and not as I would like it to be, but I’m getting it done.

My son is seven years old and has special needs. He has eight different diagnoses. For the last couple of years I have been a stay-at-home Mom and a blog writer. And one of the things that I have written about is how easy it is to let yourself fall by the wayside when everyone is counting on you to make sure that THEY are OK.

Today is a perfect example of this. My husband is sick. He has a long-term illness that he has been working on recovering from for the last couple of years. But in the last 24 hours, he got a vicious stomach flu that has been going around. Yesterday was Christmas. And today we were supposed to leave to drive to Florida from Texas to help my father with some stuff he is struggling with at his new place. With our son, of course. And our neurotypical 9 year old daughter.

The goal was for us to pack in the days leading up to Christmas, enjoy Christmas and then leave the next morning. It’s the day after Christmas. We haven’t left.

My husband was vomiting more often than every hour, all night long. I was up with him for every single episode. And today, I am caring for my children, still trying to get organized, and also caring for my husband. And drinking coffee like its oxygen.

I am tired. I keep staring at the word “its” on the page, trying to decide if it should be “it’s.” Well, guess what? If it’s wrong (its?), then its wrong (it’s?). I usually know which is which and what goes where. But this is what I am capable of today.

So, on to the topic of self care. I began working out a year ago. To get in shape but also because I needed to get stronger. I was getting hurt taking care of my son, who is not trying to hurt me but as he grows bigger it gets harder to take care of his needs. I am proud to say that it is working! I am not getting hurt. But in order to progress, I work out five days a week. And guess what? Today is supposed to be a workout day.

This is for my son but it is also for me. It is my self care. But husband is sick in bed, son needs taking care of, daughter is hungry, dishes need to be washed, clothes need to be washed and, oh, did I mention, we still may leave on this trip in the next day or two? The packing isn’t done. And right now, it’s all on me. And I am exhausted.

Raise your hand if you would skip your workout.

It’s so easy to do. But, you see, if I don’t stay consistent, my stress levels go up. My body doesn’t stay strong. I’ll start getting hurt again. So I need to get creative. I can’t go to the gym or Crossfit today. I can’t workout outside today because I need to be in the house with the family. And I can’t workout consistently for a certain time period because I keep getting interrupted (diaper changes, vomiting, cooking, cleaning, clapping for the letter U, etc.).

I NEED to do my chosen self care. It is NOT OPTIONAL.

So I am doing exercises that I can perform in sets of twenty. 300 reps. They are including pushups, burpees, situps, clams, squats, arm circles, calf raises, glute raises, plank shoulder taps and more. I am doing them EXPECTING TO BE INTERRUPTED. And when I am, I just keep count and finish when the interruption is resolved.

Is it ideal? No. Is it what I usually do? Not exactly. But I FEEL BETTER.

When I feel better, I am calmer. I am able to better care for my family.

I am NOT saying that you should do these exercises. I am saying that you should remember to do whatever it is that YOU do for self care. Want examples?

-Been up all night with a screaming child? While you are standing there waiting for your coffee to drip into the pot (because one cup at a time at this point is ridiculous), take some deep breaths.

-Put on calming music as you handle things if it is soothing to you.

-Drink more water as you run around like a nutball trying to keep it all together.

-Pause. If you can, just pause for a minute.

-Eat something healthy. Something you don’t have to prepare. Like a piece of fruit. Just throw it into your day.

Yes, people do all kinds of things for self care. They get their nails done, their hair done, workout, go to a movie, read enjoyable fiction. But when you are pressed, running around without help, without a break, when your child just painted with their poop (again), when you are fighting on the phone with insurance companies, dealing with sick family members, trying to keep it together and not have a meltdown, you may not have the time, energy or funds to do any of that. So keep it simple. But keep YOU in your day. It will help you, I promise.

P.S. – I had to pause before I wrote that last paragraph, bathe my son, redirect him when he engaged me in a battle of wills about whether or not he was going to get out of the tub (I won but my pajama pants are wet – you don’t think i got dressed today, do you?), dress him, check on my husband (sleeping), discuss with my daughter why today is just not a good day to play Uno (guilt, anyone?) and answer the door and give my adult stepson a shopping list because I can’t leave and don’t have enough stuff in the house because we were going on a road trip to help my Dad, remember? Just another day of raising a family and living the special needs life. But you know all about that, don’t you? XOXO

Want more? I have released a book! It is written especially for you to uplift you as a caregiver, soothe you, help you navigate and, most importantly, help you to be OK. Take a look!

I live in a small town. Recently I was at a smoke shop to pick up a bottle of CBD oil for my son, Kai, who is seven years old and has eight different special needs diagnoses. The woman who was behind the counter was a friendly, chatty, helpful type and we got to talking. She used to work at my son’s school, which is an all special needs campus. I was excited to hear this because I really love Kai’s school. When I asked her what her position there had been, she said, “Oh, I was just an aide.”

I immediately called her out on it. JUST AN AIDE? As if it is a small, insignificant thing to work with special needs kids, every single day as an assistant. Why doesn’t she know that she is SUPER IMPORTANT in my son’s world and the world of all students, special needs or typical? That her just showing up means my son has extra support, the classroom has extra support, and the school runs more smoothly and better because she is there? Why doesn’t she know that there is nothing more significant to a special needs parent than to know that sensitive, loving staff members, title not important, mean that my son has an awesome day and his mom and dad can relax a bit, knowing he will be loved and cared for?

This woman said that she wished that the director at the time (who has since retired, so we’ve never met) had told her this. That she felt inept. Out of her league. Unimportant. Unnoticed and unsupported.

Let me tell you something. As a former teacher in general education of fifteen years, the aides and support staff are the people who make the world go round. Without good people in place, the whole thing will fall apart. The jobs are necessary and important. And the people who hold them are some of the hardest working people I’ve ever met. They are also not paid nearly what they are worth.

Please tell these people that you appreciate them. Thank them every time you see them. They deserve so much more but recognition is a nice start.

Now, think about this. Do you do this as well? Do you describe yourself as “just a special needs parent?” Or maybe, “Just a stay at home Mom/Dad?” Do you use the word JUST to describe yourself?

If no one has told you lately, what you do is important and you are noticed by those around you. Just because they don’t tell you so doesn’t mean that it’s not true. So, please, know your value. Know your worth. Whatever it is that you do, dream, plan, are, don’t describe yourself as “just a…” anything. You are SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT.

Want more? I have released a book! It is written especially for you to uplift you as a caregiver, soothe you, help you navigate and, most importantly, help you to be OK. Take a look!