Thanksgiving is tomorrow. We used to have Thanksgiving at our house every year until my husband ended up with a long term illness, from which he is slowly recovering. When we moved to the country to be closer to family, we gave it up, since he was the one who did all of the cooking.
Our adult daughter (she is my step daughter but I am claiming her) took over last year. It was her first time and she was one cool customer. She created a post-it note system and timed everything so that it all came out perfectly at the same time. Without breaking a sweat. Joking the whole time. Perhaps I really should just refer to her as my step daughter because she sure as heck didn’t get that ability from me (nah).
So last year was our son’s first time doing Thanksgiving at someone else’s house (still family, but not home). He is special needs with developmental delays, autism, cognitive disability, SPD and more (and the most beautiful smile that lights up the world). He was five then. There was a huge gathering in the living room around the T.V. Football in Texas is like a religion. There was a huge spread of food laid out in the kitchen, buffet style. There were people all over the place, plates and cups spread out. Kids running around the house and playing in the separate play room. It was noisy, busy, a bit chaotic. All of the things my son doesn’t like. How were we going to do this well? We didn’t have to worry about others because our extended family is terrific with him. They wouldn’t bat an eye if he had a meltdown. But we also wanted to enjoy the holiday and, even more important, we wanted him to enjoy it too.
Here are the safeguards that we put into place so everyone could enjoy an adaptive Thanksgiving:
1- There was no way that our son was going to spend hours on end surrounded by all of these people, loud television, the busy, toy-strewn playroom or in the bustling kitchen. Big sister was awesome and helped us pick a quiet place where our son could go to be alone. There was a bed in there to rest on, very little in the way of clutter, no items he could hurt himself with and he could let himself in and out as he pleased.
2- We brought his tablet. He was able to sit amongst others, distracted by his activity and therefore less focused on all of the sensory triggers.
3- We brought his own food. Of course, we invited him to try things but he also had his regular meal, in his regular bowl with his regular spoon. And at this stage, it was baby food. Actually, it still is. Had he only been presented with strange holiday tastes and textures, not only would he reject almost all of it, but he would have been hungry. That is never a good idea when you are trying to avoid a meltdown.
4- We brought his blanket. Our son likes anything knitted or crocheted. He drags these types of blankets around at home (I make them expecting them to be destroyed). The blanket soothes him.
5- We brought his own sippy cup and made sure to have milk on hand. It is the only beverage he would drink at that point.
Our son almost never tries a new food. It just so happens that last year was the first year he tried pumpkin pie. He took a bite off of his sister’s fork, tried it a second time and then took her plate away from her. He ended up picking up the whole slice and eating it like an apple. It was one of the best holiday gifts I have ever received! I doubt it would have happened if we had presented him with an entire plate of new and different foods with their new textures in a noisy, crowded place all at the same time.
Little by little, with safeguards put into place, he will adapt to Thanksgiving. Until then, we will adapt Thanksgiving for him.
What safeguards do you put in place to make holidays go more smoothly with your special needs child?
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