Imagine this. Your neurotypical child, about 6 years old, is at a pumpkin patch. After going on a hay ride, listening to a story, taking pictures, doing arts and crafts and checking out the pumpkins, it is time for a break. Your child decides to try candy corn for the first time. He likes it. You and your spouse smile at each other and watch him eat three more pieces. You now know that he likes candy corn. In the future, you might offer him some again. You finish your break and go back to your activities.
Now imagine this. Your neuro-atypical child, about 6 years old, is at a pumpkin patch. He does all of the above activities, with assistance. It is time for a break. His older, typical sister gets some candy corn. You do not bother to get a whole package for him, because it is very unlikely that he will try it. But you snag one of sister’s and hold it out in front of his mouth and say, “Eat?” He eyeballs it and you wait for the rejection. But, to your surprise, he leans over and bites the white tip off! He chews it and thinks it over. Your mouth is hanging open, chin stretching toward the ground. Not only has he not rejected it, he leans over and eats the rest of that piece and three more as well. You and your spouse lock eyes and practially jump up and down. Both of you are smiling from ear to ear and you race back to get him his own package of candy corn. You tell the woman giving out the candy corn that your son has just tried it for the first time! It is amazing! You tell three more people along the way, strangers all. Feeling like you and your spouse have just won the lottery, no one is putting a pin in this balloon, even when he refuses any more candy and moves on. You call people. You post it on Facebook. It is an incredible day to remember. You call the grandparents. You make a scene and tell your boy how incredible he is for eating the candy corn. How proud you are. How you knew he could do it. Your son does a little happy dance. People all around are watching. And, you’ve got to know, that some of them are thinking – what’s the deal? It’s candy corn. He ate. He’s obviously eaten before, he’s about 6 and still here. Why is she going so nuts?
It is the journey. It’s the history of every miniscule step that got us to this moment – the moment when he ate candy corn.
When you look at your son taking that bite of candy corn, you remember when.
You remember the ENTIRE YEAR when he choked at every single meal on pureed baby food and needed you to intervene with the hook method. It was your responsibility to save him from choking, to save his life EVERY SINGLE DAY, multiple times a day, for an entire year.
You remember that he didn’t even taste birthday cake (or any cake) until he was three years old – and that you cried with joy when he did.
You remember that just last week you were out with him, STILL FEEDING HIM BABY FOOD IN PUBLIC at the age of 6. Because, for some reason, even though he has (thankfully) stopped choking, he is incredibly reluctant to move on from purees.
Watching him eat candy corn, you think of all of his therapists over the years. Of the time he refused to cooperate and snapped a sign language “no,” at a therapist, causing you to splutter with laughter, even though you knew it wasn’t appropriate. You think of when he did feeding therapy, dragging his feet the whole time, eyeballing you with the “are you kidding me?” expression that showed that he didn’t want to eat anything that wasn’t baby food, no matter how it was presented. You think of all the foods he has rejected. All the foods he wouldn’t even taste. You think of all the times it was supposed to be a win that he let a therapist force food past his lips and touch his closed teeth, even though in reality, it really wasn’t much of a win. Because that food was never going past his teeth. Not if he had anything to say about it. Like, ever.
And then you think of all the other wins over the years. The first time he walked at the age of 22 months after months of therapy. The first time he walked up and down stairs (again, after months of therapy). The first time he spoke a word (after months of speech). You think of the Herculean effort your son has put into everything that he has achieved, things that just come naturally to every other typical child. And how, with every small increment of progress, there is an entire team of family, school personnel and professionals who are taking these steps forward with him.
He ate a bite of candy corn. Then he finished that piece and ate three more. Parents of neurotypical kids see this and smile. They think, “How nice.”
But why is the special needs parent so effusive?
If you only knew the back story. Wouldn’t you be?
What achievement has your special needs child made that has absolutely made you swoon? Please share in the comments below.
To understand what I am about to tell you, you have to know a little of that background information, like you mentioned. My son, who was so terribly brain damaged in utero that we were advised to abort him, and were told he would never walk, talk, or even eat on his own, has in the past 7 years amazed everyone. He learned to walk after 4 years, and learned to eat many foods (still has texture issues, but, hello, he’s eating on his own!). The brain damage (crushing the optic nerve) actually caused blindness his first year or so of life, but now he can see, with some cortical visual impairments. The Corpus Callosum and Hippocampus were missing at birth. That means that the two hemispheres of the brain were not connected, so no clapping or any action that uses both sides of the body together, and no short term memory, nor language development. And then there is the fact that he was born deaf too.
Now, with all that going for him, my little guy was in the kitchen one morning last week, SAW the trash can had been emptied and the bag wasn’t replaced…and Understood that! WALKED over to the kitchen sink and opened the cabinet to get a new replacement bag, (which means he has noticed his siblings doing this, because he has never been shown where they are kept!) Then he began to open the trash bag and put it in the trash can. That part I had to help him with. Blown away! And so proud of him! My “neurotypical” teenage boys have a problem figuring out this skill!
That is INCREDIBLE! I am so proud of your son and so happy for you and your family! Doesn’t the back story make all the difference? What an achievement!
This was a huge step for my family and it was actually suggested, surprisingly enough, by my mom. My son is 12 now but when he was 11 we allowed him to ride his scooter around the entire block by himself. We went over all safety instructions before be took off. We were all EXTREMELY nervous about this event including his then 6 year old sister. We waited in the driveway, close to the car, with keys in hand, ready to go looking for him. He was given 15 minutes to pull off this task before our nerves got the best of us. He made it!!!! He rode his scooter around the block by himself!!!! Whew
Wow! That is an amazing accomplishment. And, what a nail biter! I could feel my anxiety rise as you described him taking off and going for it. Whew is right!