10 Quick, Cheap and Easy Moments of Self Care for the Special Needs Caregiver

You are a Dad. You are a Mom. A grandparent. Aunt, cousin, brother, sister, other. And, you are a special needs caregiver. You have one of the most important jobs in the world.

You are raising an angel. Your angel has their own specific set of strengths. And, their own special set of needs, circumstances, problems, differences, variables.

You are a superhero. You clear the path for them, organize their life, set up their world.

You participate in their world. Set them up for success at school. At therapy. At the park. At home.

You shadow them. You reorganize their environment so they don’t hurt themselves. They tantrum (or meltdown, which is different). You help pull them back together.

You are tired. Probably completely exhausted. Possibly depressed. Probably wondering where you fit in to your own daily life. Maybe you work, maybe you don’t. Maybe you are raising other kids. Maybe you have a spouse. Maybe you remember when you had your own interests and hobbies that did not include having memorized the entire script of Finding Nemo. Or having to clap for twenty minutes straight as we watch the same 30 seconds of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse over and over.

You are SO READY for some downtime. For “Me,” time.

The current lingo calls this “self care.” You need to take care of yourself. But when you look at self care lists on Pinterest, you think,

“I would love to take a bubble bath but I don’t have time.” (And I ran out of bubble bath six months ago)

“I would love the get a manicure, but I can’t afford it.” (and I don’t have time)

“I would love to have a glass of wine with a friend but I haven’t seen a friend in years except on Facebook.” (And I don’t have time. And I have to be sober for my child in case there is an ‘incident.’)

“I would love to go fishing, but I don’t have time.” (And I have to go buy a fishing license, which I’ve been meaning to do for months. And I can’t afford it.)

These lists don’t always work for us families and caregivers of special needs kids. So I decided that we needed our own list. Here, in no particular order, is my list of 10 Quick, Cheap and Easy Moments of Self Care for the Special Needs Caregiver.

1. When making yourself a hot beverage of choice because we all know you need the caffeine, stand there for a minute and watch the coffee brew, the Keurig spew. Take 3-5 deep, calming breaths. Can’t remember to do this? Post a note next to the machine to remind you.
2. I used to wear dangling earrings. I don’t anymore, in fear of them being yanked on. I replaced them with a sparkly hair clip. Or a bracelet I have made out of steel. Dads could put on a favorite watch. Take a minute and add one thing to your appearance for yourself that makes you happy. It might make you feel a bit more like your old self. Whether you are leaving the house or not.
3. Can’t go fishing? Watch fishing. This may sound ridiculous to you non-fishing folk, but my husband turns on fishing on TV on Sundays and leaves it on. This relaxes him. Hey, if it works for him, why not give it a try?
4. You know all those manipulatives your child has? You need one too. Keep a fidget spinner, a Rubik’s cube, a rubber band or whatever appeals to you nearby. Pick it up. Manipulate it. Especially when you are having obsessive thoughts about what else you should be doing to be a better caregiver. It gives an outlet for some of the energy.
5. Take a shower every day. If you don’t have a special needs child in your life, you may think that this is a crazy self care item. You caregivers out there know exactly what I’m saying, don’t you?
6. Drink more water. And when you go to get it, if it is in a chilled bottle or cold glass, hold it to your forehead or the back of your neck for just a minute. It’s relaxing.
7. Feel like you are about to have a meltdown yourself? Rub lotion on your feet or your hands. Concentrate on the cuticles of your toes or fingers. If you did your feet, put comfy socks on and continue on with your day. Extra points for Dads for this one.
8. When your child is having a tantrum or meltdown and it is going on for what seems like (and could be!) forever, there are pauses. Losing your sanity? FInd the pauses. Focus on them. At some point they have to take a breath. Even if its just for a second. While you are helping your child manage, help yourself manage by taking joy in these pauses. When the noise level is moving beyond what you can bear, listen for these tiny bits of heaven. I know it sounds a little crazy but I have used this method successfully. It works for me. The silence, quick though it is, becomes my reward. Focus on the pauses instead of the noise. Focus on waiting for the next one. It really helps.
9. Learn ONE yoga pose. Try a forward fold. Or child’s pose. Google relaxing yoga poses for stress for beginners. I’m not saying start an entire practice (although maybe you will). Use your new pose to lower your stress level. One could lead to another to you doing an online video or a class or… don’t get caught up in this right now! Just try one. Use it. See how it goes.
10. Our son is 6 and we still co-sleep. I actually enjoy this. My 8 year-old also co-sleeps with us. And my husband, thankfully. Everyone has their own bed (my husband and I share) but we are in the same room. They have their own rooms but don’t sleep in them. Think that’s nuts? You are not the only one who has that opinion. By the way, how many times have you woken to have a child in your bed? On your floor? On top of your feet? They get there anyway, don’t they? I am not suggesting that you co-sleep (although you can certainly try it!). But for the final quick, cheap and easy moment of self care, I am suggesting that you do what works for you. Sometimes it means going against the current advice that’s out there. Sometimes it means enduring raised eyebrows in public. Take a moment, take a deep breath and blow away the stress you feel from criticism. Everyone has an opinion. Until they’ve walked a mile in your shoes, blah, blah, blah. If you can, take care of yourself by letting go. You don’t need anyone else’s approval. You are a superhero and you are doing just fine. Really.

How do you practice self care? Do you sneak it in? Please share your suggestions in the comments below. We all need ideas!