No matter what I do, it’s wrong. It’s not enough. It’s too much. It would have been good if only… It would never have been good, because…
My relatives make more money. This is why I am not good enough. My son with special needs is not potty trained and the reason why is because I HAVEN’T SPANKED HIM ENOUGH. My son with special needs is starting to become potty trained at school. Well, of course, they say, he’s gonna figure it out eventually (even though many never do).
I am too fat. Then, when I lose weight, I am too thin. If I work hard for something, I am working too hard. After all, I am the glue that holds this family together and if I explode, then what? No pressure.
I should do everything in moderation, I am told. Except then, when my results aren’t impressive, I should be doing more. BUT NOT TOO MUCH! Just more. But, you know, also less.
I don’t share things enough. But when I share them, I am told why they are not good enough. So then I stop sharing them. And then, I don’t share things enough.
I hurt. I want someone to say, “Attagirl!” when I accomplish something. But they never say what I want them to say. They never do what I want them to do. And round and round we go.
I created a blog that I am extremely proud of. The response is, why am I not writing a book? (I am, but it’s currently at a stand still, I’m distracted) I returned to playing the piano after overcoming anxiety, 27 years later. I was proud. The response? Why did you accompany someone else and not solo?
I have a Master’s Degree. Why didn’t I get a Doctorate? I have a son with special needs. Well, isn’t that just too bad? The worst thing ever. (It’s one of the coolest things ever. I know that sounds strange but it is.)
You know how some people just get you and get it and some people just don’t? And you try and you try to explain yourself and somehow they just don’t want to hear what you say. And then they accuse you of not wanting to share?
Yeah. It sucks.
Here’s the thing. I know what the problem is. You think the problem is them, right?
It’s not.
The problem is you. And me.
When you seek validation from others you set yourself up for the whims of the feelings those others have. Their whims could fluctuate from day to day, hour to hour or minute to minute. And it can make or break your entire day, week, month, year or life when your self worth is wrapped up in their whims.
Easy to separate yourself from needing outside validation? Heck, no. Worth it? Absolutely.
Am I good at it? No. But I’m getting better at it. I try to think about how I feel about what I accomplish and how I am running things in my life. Would I want it to be different? Do I like what I have accomplished? Do I want to make changes? How moderate do I want to be about them? Do I want to make extreme changes?
The only one living your life is you. OPO (Other People’s Opinions) can be valuable but your choices ultimately affect you and you’re the one who has to live with them.
So seek validation carefully from valuable people that you trust. The others? Nod and smile at what they say and try to go on your merry way.
Except for parking. ALWAYS seek validation for parking if it’s available. Parking is expensive.
Want more? I have released a book! It is written especially for you to uplift you as a caregiver, soothe you, help you navigate and, most importantly, help you to be OK. Take a look!