If you were going to hire someone to care for your child with special needs, what would you want them to be like? I know that some of the things that I would require include being healthy. I would want them to be well-rested. Able to think on their feet. Physically strong. Mentally, in a good, positive head space. Of course, I would also want them to be educated in my child’s diagnoses, able to be flexible as things change day-to-day (or sometimes, hourly) and able to go with the flow.
I also know that choosing a caregiver for my child with special needs is a daunting task. I can’t just leave my child with an average person. It isn’t the same as finding childcare for a typical child. If I needed to find a caregiver, I would be super picky. I would have very high expectations.
So, why then, do we treat ourselves, as our children’s primary caregivers, as an afterthought?
When living the special needs life, it is a natural choice to put ourselves, the caregivers, last. Because it is all about our amazing, wonderful children. It makes perfect sense, at least on the surface, that we come last. But this brings me to a highly clarifying question – in the current state that you are in, would you hire you?
Are you keeping yourself in good physical condition? Are you getting enough rest? Are your needs being met so that you can have a positive outlook? Is your cup filled and overflowing so that you can give without running dry? Or are you, in your current state, looking like an afterthought?
NO ONE, INCLUDING YOU, SHOULD TREAT YOU AS AN AFTERTHOUGHT.
YOUR CHILD DESERVES A BETTER CAREGIVER THAN ONE WHO IS AN AFTERTHOUGHT.
It is counter intuitive, isn’t it? Your intuition says to give and give and give. Don’t take time away from your child for yourself. They come first.
What if I told you that by taking time away from being a caregiver to care for yourself, you are actually putting your child first?
Why? Because by taking care of yourself, you are giving your child the best caregiver they can possibly have – it’s the best version of you. Guilt be gone. It’s for you, but it’s also for them.
When you get caught up in everything, when you are exhausted, when you have created your new normal again and again, take time for a reality check. Ask yourself – would I hire myself to do this job in my current state? If your answer is no, it’s time for some self care.
You are not an afterthought. Treat yourself accordingly.
Want more? I have released a book! It is written especially for you to uplift you as a caregiver, soothe you, help you navigate and, most importantly, help you to be OK. Take a look!