On this journey living the special needs life, you may have already discovered that it is worth your while to invest more in the people in your life than you did before. Not only close family and friends but also the incredible people that work with your child on a daily basis.
If you haven’t discovered the power of investing in people yet, or you are afraid to do so because people don’t seem to invest as much in you, a shift in thought and a reframing of how you look at investing in people may be in order.
Perhaps in the past you have invested some time in relationships with teachers, staff and doctors the way most people do. Maybe you thanked them for a job well done. Maybe you gave them a gift around the holidays. And, for most people, that is pretty much it. The same goes for family and friends. You may also have given a lot more than others have given to you and then felt short-changed when you didn’t receive with the intensity that you gave.
There is a trick to this investing in people. You must invest without expectations. This doesn’t mean that you will get nothing in return. It means that you cannot decide what the something in return will be. And this can be hard. You may feel as though you give and give and give and get nothing. But the best thing that you get will not come from them. Ultimately, it will come from you.
By letting the people around you, both personal and professional relationships, know how much you value them, you do both them and yourself (and your child with special needs) a service. First, you make the people around you feel valued. It is important when you tell people how much you value them that you only speak the truth. Find the reasons why these people are important to you (and if they are amazing, as many of them are, this should be easy to do). Then, here’s the part that most people don’t think to do – TELL THEM. You can tell them how amazing they are to their faces, write them a letter or a card or give them a gift, but LET THEM KNOW. When was the last time someone told you? Right. It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? Because PEOPLE DON’T THINK TO DO THIS. So, when you do it, you stand out. It’s special.
Second, the reward you receive in return comes back to you in many ways. Just telling other people that you value them creates feel-good energy in the air, which you will also feel. Also, people who like you tend to put forth more for you. Don’t you always give more to the people that you like? That make you feel good? Even if they are just more cheerful to see you than usual after you share how valuable you feel that they are, that in itself is a gift. Especially when you are having a hard time when living the special needs life.
Finally, your child with special needs reaps the benefits of positive, feel-good interactions that you have with teachers and caregivers. As a former teacher of fifteen years, I have seen over and over again the bonds that teachers and families have formed just from the families reaching out with positive things to say to the teachers.
Living the special needs life can be exhausting. It can leave you with little time or energy to be creative. Here are some simple examples of how you can invest in the people around you:
- Pull aside someone in your life and tell them something brief, like, “I just want to tell you how incredible you are with my child and how grateful I am that you are in our lives. You make such a difference to us.”
- Offer a small gift and say or write, “If I had a million dollars to give you it wouldn’t be nearly enough because you are worth so much more to us. Thank you for just being you.”
- Going to an ARD? Bring Hershey Kisses and Hugs and scatter them across the meeting table when you first get there. Tell the group, “We’ve brought you kisses and hugs to let you know how much you mean to us. We are so grateful for everything that you do!” Teachers LOVE chocolate at meetings – this is the best five bucks you can spend for a meeting!
- Tell the person’s manager or higher up how amazing they are, in writing. This takes all of five minutes in a quick e-mail. Write about a specific thing that this person did that you loved. And when you send it off, make sure that it is cc’d to the person that you wrote about.
There are so many other ways to show your appreciation on a regular basis – the above ideas will just get you started. Ultimately, doing something quick, easy and direct is probably your best bet, especially if you are exhausted and overwhelmed. Take the extra few minutes to do this. I promise you that your ROI – Return On Investment – will be worth it.