They say that grace is irrational. That it is love and care and kindness that you give freely when it is not earned or even necessarily deserved. It is a gift that you give to someone because you want them to have it, not because they did something to get it. Grace is a choice. Both the Hebrew and Greek meaning of Grace is “extension toward.”
Intention is everything. Why do we do the things that we do? The exact same act has completely different meaning when you add in intention.
When you operate in a state of grace, you give for the sake of giving. The benefits of this are TREMENDOUS. Greater happiness, improved health, connection, expressing and instilling gratitude, embracing and spreading positivity, uplifted mood (depression relief), stress reduction and much, much more.
As special needs caregivers, we often struggle to even notice others around us, let alone give to them in love and grace. And we are missing out. It can be as simple as being quick to offer a smile or a kind word. Holding a door that you were going through, anyway, for the next person.
In fact, have you ever held a door open for someone as an act of grace and been annoyed when they didn’t say thank you? It is MORE OF AN ACT OF GRACE to be able to be happy that you did it even though they didn’t thank you. Being thanked is lovely, of course. But we don’t hold the door open for someone to be thanked. We hold the door open as an act of goodwill, sent to the next person, whether or not they deserve it. THAT is grace.
Whether or not you believe in God, you can believe in grace. It is something that is emotionally tangible – it’s such a strong feeling that you can almost touch it. You can certainly feel its presence.
On this blog, the tagline at the top says, “Parenting with love and grace.” We offer love and grace to our children, unconditionally. From birth. They didn’t do anything to earn it other than showing up. Yet we love them, and especially our children with special needs, with a ferocity that has not been earned. Just because they are them. That is grace.
It is a time in our lives when being quick to smile maybe doesn’t come easy. There is a lot on our plates. We are under a sometimes tremendous amount of pressure to keep everything together. We have work, family care, special needs child care, possibly home school and therapy appointments. We need extra things and they cost money we may or may not have. The old ways we spent time relaxing and enjoying most likely don’t work anymore but we haven’t yet carved out the time in the whirlwind of living the special needs life to figure out the new ways. We put ourselves last.
I urge you to consider the concept of grace. Weaving it into your day costs nothing. You do it when you think of it. You can do it whether or not you got any sleep and whether or not your child just had a two hour meltdown because you changed laundry detergent and the smell is different in their clothes. In passing, offer up kindness. When making a purchase at a store, ask how the cashier’s day is going and really listen to the answer. When you think of it, smile and say hi in passing on the street if this is culturally acceptable where you live (I’m thinking of you, New Yorkers, maybe not for you, it’s not your cultural way).
After you try it, I wouldn’t be surprised at all if you experience injections of joyful moments in your day that you weren’t having before. When you give grace, you receive joy.
And what special needs caregiver couldn’t use a little more of that?
How have you shown grace to others? Please share in the comments below.