Recently on Facebook I have been seeing the ten year challenge. You find a photo of yourself from ten years ago and one from now, you put them side by side and you see how you have aged. Those that were 16 years old ten years ago seem to be coming out ahead. But, for those of us that are a bit older, there seems to be a lot of trepidation. I have seen people commenting on their own photos trying to explain away or justify the changes. They seem to have a lot of negativity. They are embarrassed at their weight gain, their wrinkles, their oldness (probably not a word, but you know what I mean, right?).
I have not done the ten year challenge. I’ve thought about it, but I already know that I will come out on the losing end. Although my weight is further down than it was ten years ago, I have more wrinkles. I look older. Because I am older. But when I think about what I have gone through in the last ten years, doesn’t this make sense? I mean, who isn’t older? Not one person reading this can claim that they aren’t ten years older than they were ten years ago. Unless they are dead. But, then, they aren’t reading this. You are.
I know that the ten year challenge is just supposed to be a fun, silly activity. But for those of us who are living the special needs life, being distracted by something that we cannot control (i.e. aging and the passing of time) and feeling badly about it is a time suckage that maybe we don’t need.
So, here is what I propose. Let’s do the ten year mental, emotional and spiritual challenge. Think about where you were mentally, emotionally and spiritually ten years ago. Then compare it to where you are now. Which version of yourself do you like better?
For me, I like myself better now. What time and aging ravages physically, it often improves mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I like my life experience, my greater amount of wisdom, my ability to let things go easier (but still not easily; working on it), my greater ability to love, to be more kind, and my connection to God (a path that I had to form myself being the child of an ambiguous father and an atheist, psychologist mother). I like that I am able to see things from another person’s perspective better than I used to. I like that I am seeing things less black and white and in many more shades of gray. I like that I am a better mother than I was ten years ago. I hope that I am a better spouse. I think I am. I like that I am a better mother to my son with special needs than I ever would have been back then. I like that after what felt like a huge slap down from the universe, I am finally coming back stronger.
You can’t see this stuff in a picture.
This is not to say that I couldn’t use some improvement. I absolutely could. After all, isn’t there room for improvement in just about everyone?
But what if you liked yourself better back then? What if you feel like a mess? What if you are in a downward spiral?
Life is cyclical. As long as you continue to live, you will have up times and down times. So, the real challenge, no matter where you are in the cycle of life, is to now look ahead ten years. Who do you want to be mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and, yes, physically, ten years from now? What kind of parent do you want to be to your special needs child? Imagine who you could be. Then, make a plan. Become that person.
The only thing that is stopping you is you.