When I wake up my children in the morning, I say the same thing to them every day. I gently remove the covers and I rub their backs. And I say, “Good morning, I love you, I’m happy to see you today,” in a sing song kind of voice. Sometimes I say it a few times. Then I invite them to stand up and right into a hug. I wait until their eyes are open and I see that they are alert. And then I ask them to start their morning routine.
For my neurotypical daughter, who is eight, it is then time to go into the bathroom on her own and brush her teeth before finding her clothes for the day.
But for my son, who is six and has special needs, it is different. After the hug, he always lays his head on my bed while standing up. I unzip his back zip pajamas and take them off. Then he climbs up onto the bed. I change his diaper, apply his oils and put his clothes on him for the day, stopping the stroke his cheeks. I help him to stand but taking both hands and having him slide his feet to the floor. I give him kisses as I slide the straps up on the overalls that he wears every day to help keep him from accessing his diaper. I gently finger comb his hair. He brushes his teeth at school, so we don’t do that in the morning. Then he is ready to go out to the living room for socks and shoes.
He usually has about ten minutes of tablet time and a couple of vanilla wafer cookies before it is time for the bus. Daddy and I get his lunch and backpack together. His jacket is ready and waiting. When the bus pulls up outside, we say, “The bus is here. Time to go.” He loves the bus. We slip on his jacket. Dad kisses him. And most days, it is he and I walking out the front door. We pause after the door closes and I say, “Kiss Mom.” I bend down and he kisses me. Then he walks, without holding my hand (something we worked on for a year) toward the bus. About halfway, we stop for one more kiss. And then he walks the rest of the way, climbs up the four steps and sits down to be buckled in by the bus attendent. I chat with both driver and attendant, two incredible women, and then the bus takes off as I wave.
We do this every morning, on school days.
If it’s not a school day, we do everything up to going to the living room (maybe staying in pajamas after diaper change) and then it is relaxation time.
99% of the time, our mornings run smoothly. It is because of our routine.
Among our son’s many diagnoses, including autism, PVL (periventricular leukomalacia) and duplicate chromosome 16, he also has apraxia. This is a speech delay in which the brain probably has the words but there is a disconnect going from the brain to the mouth to say them. He is just beginning to talk over the last year and a half, which, as you can imagine, is thrilling for our family. Sometimes, over the years, he has said something one time, perfectly clearly and then never said it again. Or he’ll say it again, but two years later.
So sometimes we wonder, does he understand? Does he know what we are saying to him?
He does. When he was about four years old, his Daddy went to pick him up from PPCD (preschool for special needs children). Our son walked out with his class, went up to his Daddy, wrapped his arms around Daddy’s legs and said, “Happy see you.”
If you are on a similar journey, you know that it brought tears of happiness to Daddy’s eyes.
It takes massive amounts of repetition for someone with PVL to learn but they absolutely can learn. Day after day, I say, “Good morning, I love you, I’m happy to see you today.”
Our son never said it again. But I know he hears me. He understands me. My heart is full.
You can’t know what a child understands. It is especially difficult to guess when they are non-verbal. Do your best not to underestimate them. Give them opportunity. Give them time. Give them love. Give them routine.
My routine works for us. It may or may not work for you. What is important is that you create a routine that is consistent and makes your child happy to wake up in the morning. It makes your lives smoother and easier. And, I was surprised to discover, it gives them learning opportunities.
What is your morning routine like? Please share in the comments below.