Crying at an IEP Meeting? Guess What? It Means That You Are Human

I just read an article about how to keep yourself from crying at an IEP meeting. The writer seems to think that crying is OK, but not during the meeting. That you need to buck up. That you need to be strong to focus on advocating for your child. The crying can come later.

I was a teacher for fifteen years in general education. I have sat through hundreds of IEP meetings as the general education teacher. Then, after I became a Mom to a beautiful little boy with special needs, I sat on the other side of the table as a parent. I also became special ed. certified. I have the unique perspective of having sat on both sides of that table. Let me tell you a little about what I have seen from both perspectives.

We teachers and specialists know that what we are discussing is highly emotionally charged for you. In fact, we find it alarming when it isn’t. I do not ever recall talking about a parent that cried at a meeting in any other way than with sympathy and respect, after it was over. But, I do recall discussing why a parent seemed so cold and removed when it was their child’s welfare that we were talking about.

As an educator, let me remind you that your meeting is not our first rodeo. We have seen hundreds (especially more seasoned teachers) of parents through those meeting doors. We have tissues and we have chocolate (in most cases). We know how invested you are in your child because WE are invested in your child. It isn’t totally out of the question for some of us to cry with you. When you are around, it is “your” kid. When you aren’t around, guess what? We say that they are “our kids.”

When I sit on the parent side of that table, I know that everyone there brings their expertise to create a plan for the best outcome possible. Don’t feel intimidated by this. YOU also bring your expertise. You are the expert on your child. No matter how much education others have, NO ONE in that room knows your child like you do.

This is why the IEP meeting is a TEAM MEETING. You are the most important member of the team. In fact, you are so important, that the meeting cannot be held without you.

YOU are the advocate for your child. Crying does not make it less likely to get what you want when the team doesn’t agree with you. Do your research if you are requesting something that they may not want to give. Don’t be afraid to speak up when they are making a plan and you think the plan should be different.

This is not a board meeting. This is your child’s life.

Cry in strength if you need to. And don’t forget to ask for the tissues and chocolate.