Sometimes the day with your special needs child (or a typical child) can start off on the wrong foot. It may be you or it may be them. Everyone has bad days.
But what do you do when one or both of you can’t seem to get out of a bad mood? You wake up, something happens, perhaps a meltdown or a tantrum, and you feel stuck. You or your child or both of you are cranky. Your interactions are edgy. Maybe you are snapping at each other. It is so hard to break out of this when the day starts this way. It becomes a pattern.
Here is a quick trick that I have learned that helps. It requires nothing to purchase, nothing to prepare and it is always there when you need it.
Do a do over. Remember when you were a kid and you would play a game with a friend and something went wrong? Do over. You would decide together that it didn’t count. You can do a do over for your entire morning. Or just your latest interaction.
If your child is capable of a discussion, even on the simplest level, this is a strategy to have in your tool belt. It maps out a plan for you both to be led in a different direction than the cranky path that you are on. If not, tuck it away for later, if and when your child advances to this stage. It is powerful.
Sit your child down and explain that you aren’t happy with how the morning (or the interaction, or whatever applies for you) went. You want to start over. Pretend that it didn’t happen. You want a do over. See what your child thinks about this. A lot of times, they will feel a sense of relief and will agree immediately. They know it went badly, they know that perhaps you are not happy with them. They wish the whole thing could just go away.
It can! Do a do over.
You could even have your child go back to bed and pretend to sleep so that you can wake him or her up again, as if for the first time. I was surprised to find out that this technique not only helped get my child out of a bad mood after a negative event, it helped me break out of mine.
Be careful not to do a do over if your child needs to have consequences for their behavior. If they became violent or destructive, that is NOT the time to do a do over. Also, before you have the do over, make sure that your child understands that the behavior is not to be repeated. You are starting the time period over, not telling them it is OK to do it again.
By the way, if you are a teacher, this also works in the classroom. Again, if the child is able to participate and understand the concept.
I am so grateful to know about and be able to use this strategy. It is incredibly helpful.
What strategies have you used to help ease yourself or your special needs child out of a bad mood? Please share in the comments below.
Going outside in the front yard helps my son pull himself together when he’s in a tantrum. Once he’s calmer we take a walk and by the end of it we both feel better.
What a great idea Mindy! I am so glad that you found something that works for the two of you. A change of scenery can be surprisingly effective. I have seen children in the middle of a huge tantrum choose to stop and get a drink of water instead of continuing, just because it was offered. It is so specific to the individual that you really just have to try different things until you hit upon something that works. Thanks for your valuable input!