My son Kai is six years old and not potty trained. He is special needs and low functioning. Considering the fact that his older sister is eight, we have now been changing diapers for EIGHT YEARS.
I married a man who had custody of his three kids. I went from having no kids to raising three kids full time. At the time, the older kids were 12, 10 and 6. They were, thankfully, already potty trained.
I had no issues with the big issues. I talked to the older kids about school, dating, bodily functions, periods, sex, porn, interracial and same sex dating, drugs and anything else that came my way. I bought first bras, first condoms, period supplies and school dance clothes. I created the “continuum of acceptability for sexual activity,” and explained to the older kids what this consisted of. I was fearless. I was on fire. Until it came to potty training.
Potty training stumps the heck out of me.
I don’t really know why. There is something about it that is just… intimidating.
Eight year-old neurotypical Amaya was potty trained at daycare. When she was at daycare, she did it. When she was at home, she didn’t. For a while. I told her she had a choice at home – wear diapers, or wear big girl panties. She chose diapers. I let her. And, eventually, when the diapers started to get too tight and they weren’t comfortable, she started to choose the panties. And that was that. She had a few accidents and then she was pretty much trained.
Kai has no interest in potty training. He is mostly non-verbal. His diagnoses include PVL (periventricular leukomalacia), which is damaged white brain matter. His neurons misfire. This doesn’t get worse over time and can only improve. Kai has to be trained to do everything, microstep by microstep. Eventually, after massive amounts of repetition, it locks in and Kai can do things without having to think of every single step individually. He also has Duplicate Chromosome 16, Autism, Sensory Processing Disorder and more. Kai does not signal to us when his diaper is full. In fact, not only does he not tell us, but if we don’t take steps to prevent it, Kai will explore what is in his diaper.
Kai is not just going to pick up being potty trained at school.
I am in trouble.
First, I feel inept. Incapable. Second, Kai has a penis. I don’t. How do you train someone with a penis? Anyone? Anyone? Third, when I have put Kai on the potty, he doesn’t seem to understand why he is there. Fourth, Kai has no interest in rewards, sticker charts, books about being on the potty or aiming pee at Cheerios (or Fruit Loops). Fifth, Kai is WAY too big for baby potty chairs. And too short for his feet to rest on the ground when he sits on the big potty (hey, a stool! I should use a stool! But, I digress).
I have asked for help. I have asked for in home services for this and not received them. I have asked that they train him at school (I think that they put him on the potty to sit daily, but nothing is happening). I have gotten a book entitled, “How to Potty Train a Child With Autism.” I have skimmed it. I haven’t read it.
Here is the big problem – for some reason, I can’t seem to get out of my own way.
Do you ever feel like you are just stuck? You see what result you want, you see the different paths you could take to get there and then… you … just… can’t… move.
Here I stand, ready to tackle anything, SuperMom, and I CAN’T POTTY TRAIN MY CHILD.
There it is.
I suck at potty training.
At least for now.
What strategies have you used to overcome a problem where you felt stuck?