Dear Special Needs Mom,
I saw you today. We were both at the class party for our sons. Since our whole campus is special needs, there is a huge range of what is “normal,” behavior. And I know that all of us special needs parents are used to having the “different,” child in social situations. But this was in our sons’ class. EVERY student was special needs. All of the kids were seated in small chairs at carpet watching the morning meeting videos while the parents sat with them. All of the students were in good moods. Yes, there were a lot of interesting behaviors going on (rocking, tapping, noise making) but they were feeling festive. My own son was grinning from ear to ear that his Mom, Dad and sister were there.
But not your son. Your son was crying. He had his chewelry in his mouth and he was at times bawling. He went back and forth between rocking in his chair and putting his head in your lap. The class wasn’t doing what they normally did. There were lots of extra people there. And your son was not ok with that.
I saw you. I saw you trying to comfort him. I saw your embarrassed look. You looked like you were thinking, wow, even in THIS environment, he wasn’t doing it like the other kids. Like you could have really used a break. Like, COME ON.
I saw you. I saw when the principal came over and tried to soothe him with you. And it didn’t work. And then it appeared that she offered you a quiet place to go. Maybe you were off to the sensory room. Maybe you were going home. But you weren’t staying for the party.
I saw you. And I wanted to go meet you and give you a hug. I wanted to tell you what a wonderful job you were doing. That if your son felt overwhelmed and off schedule, all he was doing was letting everyone know the only way he knew how. I wanted to tell you that we have all been there. And that there was no reason for you to be embarrassed. The number one thing, the most important thing, was the comfort of your son. After you left, Santa came. We all helped our children to interact with him. He brought presents. There was even more noise, even more color (Santa’s bright red suit, colorful presents). Your son would have hated it.
I saw you. And I am proud of you. You are doing it, Mama. And if your son isn’t ready for a class party this year, next year or ever, it doesn’t matter. Not at all.
Love,
Another Special Needs Mom
I don’t cry, I grieve, for this momma. I grieve for myself because I’ve been that momma. And I know it doesn’t matter if my child is in his own world and everyone is okay with it, but I just wish things could be easier even if it’s just once in awhile. I enjoy reading your stories because we share so much in common. Thank you
Thank you for reading and your lovely compliment. You are so insightful. I, too, wish that it could be easier just once in a while. I wish that I could have control over that, but I can’t. I desperately wanted to alleviate this Mama’s burden, but I can’t. The only thing that I can do is try to take some of the pressure off that we put on ourselves and that we feel society puts on us. I can remind and point out what is important to remember. I ALWAYS wish that I could do more, for myself, you and all of us. But, that’s all I have. Wishing us all peace.