I am getting older. Of this, there is no doubt. My skin has more wrinkles and my hair needs dye instead of just doing hair dye for fun and fashion. The amount of candles on my cake could start a fire and certainly will set off an alarm if we include them all. No doubt, things are changing. And not just physical things.
My personality is shifting and changing as well. I believe that this is part of gaining maturity (hopefully) and life experience. I see situations coming now and can avoid mistakes that I have made in the past if I pay attention. I aspire to do this more. Sometimes I am successful. Sometimes I fail.
One of the things that I have really noticed, a huge change, is having patience. As a special needs parent, my eyes have been opened to both the struggles and the triumphs of those that are differently abled. I am SO MUCH MORE PATIENT with folks (special needs or not) that are truly doing their best, working hard, asking for help, getting it done no matter at what rate. Achievement has been broken down from the big picture into the microsteps that it takes to get there. Every single step forward is won by hard work, trying and failing, persisting and loving and supporting. It’s just that typical folks might progress at a faster rate and the microsteps might be bunched together and less visible. The atypical folks? Its easier to see the microsteps because maybe they are happening very slowly.
I like this about myself. I like being more patient. I like understanding that the process is different for everyone but no less important.
But, while I have become so much more patient in this regard, I am SO MUCH LESS PATIENT in other ways. I have always been troubled by people who don’t do their jobs well because they just don’t care. If you are new, having issues but working to resolve them, or if you just made a mistake but are willing to fix it, this is absolutely fine. But if you don’t want to do the work, don’t take the job. Or, at the very least, stay out of my path. I can’t stand this. And now, more than ever, I don’t have time to deal with it.
Think about this – every parent that has a special needs child is exhausted, overworked and shelling out money for all of the extras that go along with this type of parenting. They have to figure out where that money is going to come from to buy the medications, special foods, special stroller or wheelchair, ramps for the house, adaptive clothing, g-tube, oxygen tank, canes, crutches, special shoes, a car big enough to tote everything and more. They probably have to work. They have to raise the rest of the family. They can’t get sick – ever. They feel like they can never die. And most of these parents are some of the nicest people you would ever meet, except you probably won’t ever meet them, because it’s really hard for them to get out of the house unless they are going to the doctor, therapist, school and back home again.
So, when this person, so completely over-extended, runs out to purchase something, orders something or makes any kind of transaction, they need it to go smoothly. They have already figured out where to get the money to do the transaction, they have made arrangements to run the errand (a sometimes Herculean effort), they have shown up. And they deserve what everyone deserves when purchasing a product or a service – a timely, pleasant transaction, with the proper product or service given
Let me speak on behalf of special needs parents everywhere – WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR PEOPLE’S NONSENSE ANYMORE. Please don’t misunderstand me; this does not include folks trying their best. Going back to the thoughts about my maturity – I have realized as I have aged that I don’t have to put up with everything that I thought I had to put up with. Even trade for the wrinkles? Eh, not so much. But good to know nonetheless.
If you are not a special needs parent you will never know what it really takes for us to honor our amazing children and get the job done right. So, please. Step up or get out of our way. We don’t have time. We are raising angels.
This was a great read and I can absolutely relate. I find I am more patient with people in general. The things that once would upset me I find myself just shrugging my shoulders. For example, “I’m sorry your appointment was at 2p Lisa but the receptionist accidentally put your appointment down for 3p”. Ok I will return in an hour. I have bigger “fish to fry” I can’t let stuff like that upset me. But…..I have no patience for foolishness and BS. I despise individuals that waste time and try to waste my time in the process. I’m a “Lets get the job done” type and can’t understand why everyone else isn’t.
Thanks for taking the time to read it! I have always been a “let’s get the job done” person as well and it is so frustrating when others can’t pull it together. Now, especially with the time pressures of taking care of our son, I just can’t tolerate it. But when people are really trying their best, I am the first to soothe them when they make mistakes. I usually say something like, “Don’t worry, I’m just happy to be here.” Everyone makes mistakes.